The Life Of BananaMan

1. When introducing her to your friends for the first time, introduce her as 'my chick'. Girls love pet names.

2. When shopping with your woman and she ask's 'does this make me look fat', say 'yes, but not as much as the last one'. This shows that you pay attention to what she wears and is much better than plain old 'no'.

3. When going out for a stroll in the woods, push her side ways into a bog of mud. Girls role around in filth.

4. When claiming your lovers virginity, be sure to act like Alan Partrige. Women love to fantisies that they having sex with a man who has a real direction in life.

5. When she enters the room, be sure to stay transfixed to the tv screen and ignore her. Girls love a guy who plays hard to get.

6. Constantly reminder her that the best way to lose weight it by throwing up. I've seen the stunning results it can have!

7. Confince her she has a wonkey nose. This will make her paranoid and eventually destroy herself confidence. Thus, making her stick around longer.

8. Demand compliments. If she refuses, spit on her. Girls love foreplay, regardless of location, dirty bitch.

9. When she is walking into the room with a cup of tea, trip her up. Its a good laugh.

10. Tell her that as long as she lives, she will NEVER find anyone who is as amazing as yourself. And if she did, she doesn't stand a chance.

11. Stare at her best mates chest whenever you see her. Make sure your lady can see you. Girls love competition.

12. Being in love means that you never have to say sorry

13. Keep threatening to secretly video record her when she is having sex with you, especially if she is incredibly self concious. Girls need ego boosts every now and then.

14. Idolise parts of her body that you know that the other 'normal bloke' wouldn't comment on. E.G. The forehead or Spinal cord. This will make you come across as a really unique individual and girls love a unique guy.

15. Ask her "hows your period going?". They look for the caring flare in all men.

16. Buy her a valentines present you can both use. And I don't mean in the bedroom, I mean a proper pratical present that will ACTUALLY do something. For example: a PS3

17. When out on the town together, pop an E in her drink. The night will go much more smoothly.

18. Keep refering to your penis as your 'stiffy'.